The Zapping of the Eyes
CC came and picked me up around 12:30 yesterday -- after running the children to the sitter's and stopping back at the house to grab a hair clip, we were on our way ... I vented, she vented, we had a safe trip to the vision center.
I checked in and paid and they took me immediately back. Checked my blood pressure, gave me a Valium (which helped my mood immensely), handed me a bag full of stuff (sunglasses, eyedrops, sleeping goggles to protect my eyes after the surgery), a card detailing what would happen, and took me back to an exam room, where I waited for a while, read the card a couple times. Okay, it made everything sound kind of scary. Ack. The optometrist checked my eyes once again to make sure my prescription was, indeed, stable. It hasn't changed over the last several months, so that's good. Then the actual surgeon came in to meet me for the first time, introduced himself, and then looked at my eyes and my chart, too.
They then took me back to sit in a chair outside the first laser room. That laser is called Intralase. It's the laser that makes the incision in the cornea so they can get to your eyeball -- so it's all bladeless and much safer than the old blade type LASIK procedures. So, I'm thinking, I read the card, I've typed reports, I know what this is going to be like, right? Wrong. Let's just say I'm glad I took the Valium. They took me in the room and had me lay down on the table. They then realized the assistants hadn't Betadined me or numbed me (!), so they took care of that. They started with the right eye and gave me one more numbing drop, then attached a suction ring to the eye (my eye is twitching as I'm typing this). The suction makes your vision go bye-bye. You don't get to see the laser then dock into its position in the ring. Except, my left eye was watching all of this (I'm left eye dominant) and I started freaking out and almost said, "nevermind!" when they said, "it's 16 seconds to create the flap ..." and started counting. That was fast, the suction removed, but I still couldn't see. They moved to the left eye but didn't give me that last numbing drop. I couldn't feel the flap being made, but that eye hurt mucho within a few minutes.
After they made the flap, they guided me to a recliner in a back room. I couldn't get anyone's attention for the eye pain since there was a wall and I was instructed to wait there for 10-30 minutes with my eyes closed. The Intralase process creates bubbles in your eye that have to dissipate before they can do the actual LASIK procedure. So I waited. Someone finally came to get me and said, "how do you feel?" I could barely voice out "hurts" (it's summer, I'm a bit dehydrated, and the Valium was making me funny). She took me to yet another chair and gave me more numbing drops until they quit burning. Thank heaven. (I even said, THANKS!). The optometrist then came at me with a wire that looked a bit like a tuning fork to make sure the flap was good and would open, and then did something with some funky marker.
Then right on into the LASIK room. They laid me down, asked me if I needed anything to hold. I had stuck my hands under my rear to make sure they didn't flip out and punch the doctor (I did that during the Intralase, too). Things I learned while taking my child to the dentist -- hands have to be held down or kept busy when we're anxious. They handed me a tightly rolled gown and had me hold that. Chatted with the nurses/assistants about paint (one of them is a single mom and her ward painted her deck, but painted a color she's not crazy about. she's leaving it alone so she doesn't offend anyone). She also said I'd notice a difference as soon as I sat up from the table. Then the doc came in. While they were prepping my eye, he realized I'm allergic to latex (thanks, I made sure to hand them my allergies while I was getting my BP checked) and tape, so he changed gloves, but said there wasn't a whole lot they could do about the tape. They have to tape your eyelashes out of the way, then put a ring in your eye to keep the lashes open so you don't try to blink during the procedure. They did the right eye first again. So, the worst part for me was him actually opening the corneal flap. They always say "gently" but he used a whole heck of a lot of pressure. *sigh* Once that was done, I stared at a green blinking light for 30 or 35 seconds. Moved the flap back in place, more drops, more swabbing, removed the tape, then taped the eye shut. Then they had to move part of the machine -- right into my boobage, ramming my breast several times. I didn't say anything, but did move it out of the way. lol. They prepped the left eye, then the machine moved over there, and I got to stare at the green light again. 35 seconds. Moved the flap again, more drops, more swabbing, removed the tape, untaped the other eye. They had me lay there for a few more minutes then took me back to the original exam room. The nurse came in and gave me verbal and written postop instructions, asked if I'd have someone at home who could read them to me if I couldn't read by last night (yep, hubby and both kids), and then had me wait for the optometrist again. She had to give me more drops while we waited for him. He did another exam, then they handed me some random stuff and a bag of candy, and escorted me to the lobby, where CC was waiting.
While sitting in that exam room, I could see the chair and desk across the hall and OUT THE WINDOW above the desk -- I could even see the bushes on the mountain across the street. It was a bit filmy, but I could see it.
CC took me home -- saw the sitter outside her place. She said the other kids' mom had taken them to the pool, and they'd be coming home at 4. I told her to just go ahead and send them home when they got there. :) CC and I then made it home and had Stouffer's flat bread for lunch. (at nearly 4 o'clock ...). Then she left and I laid down. When the girls got home from the sitter's, they were so proud of themselves since they had been good for FOUR whole HOURS. hahaha. I said, "I have to sleep a while now, think you can keep being good?" And they were. When I got up an hour or so later, hubby had brought dinner home and brought me some in my bed. I wandered out in the living room and hugged the kids and snuggled Munchkin (Small Fry is a hugger, Munchkin a cuddle bug), sat there for a few minutes and tried to watch a movie with them, but my eyes just got too tired and itchy. So hubby came and put me back to bed and we watched some anime (with me putting in my drops per instructions and closing my eyes when I needed to), put the kids to bed, and watched more. I ended up passing out long before he did (yes, with my sleeping goggles), but he upped the dose of the Tegretol per the doc's orders last night (and took B vitamins with it per my orders .... hehehe), took his Lunesta like he was s'posed to, slept 8 hours straight, and when he woke up, he took his Wellbutrin (more B's with that, too). And he seems fairly coherent today, unlike the past few days, so we're hoping he's adjusting well to his meds.
This morning, I can read. The close up vision actually took the longest -- and this morning my eyes are barely itchy at all -- I'm using my drops and stuff, but the itchy was so bad last night I HAD to sleep. hehehe. I'm not working today or tomorrow -- we're going to my postop visit in a few minutes and then off to the store to get ready to go camping tonight, and then ... well ... I'll probably work Sunday night and Monday and the rest of next week around my brother's visit from Japan. We'll see.
Hubby asked me first thing this morning if it was worth it. I said I didn't know, but now ... I really think it was. :)
Friday, July 20, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Walking ... and not killing my children.
Went to Costco with DisGrace, her three children, and my two monkeys. We raced around the store (she was in a hurry) and grabbed a bite to eat. Then, she had to take Gramma to the doctor, so she took Dizzy with her and I took her older kids home with me to drop off frozen/fridge food, then to Wal-Mart.
Oy.
We got there at 1:30, just as everyone at the pharmacy was going to lunch. They would be back at 2. So we shopped, went back to the pharmacy, and dropped off the prescriptions. Walked around the store some more, went back to the pharmacy. Still not done. Made the kids go away and torment each other somewhere else. Talked to DisGrace, asked her to send hubby to my house at 3.
He got there before me.
So did my hubby.
I'm ready for bed now, but sadly I have to work.
BUT I'm counting the jaunts around the parking lots and both stores as my walk today.
And upon returning home, I promptly drank two bottles of water. i'm sure I'll have to pee soon, but at least I'm hydrating again.
Went to Costco with DisGrace, her three children, and my two monkeys. We raced around the store (she was in a hurry) and grabbed a bite to eat. Then, she had to take Gramma to the doctor, so she took Dizzy with her and I took her older kids home with me to drop off frozen/fridge food, then to Wal-Mart.
Oy.
We got there at 1:30, just as everyone at the pharmacy was going to lunch. They would be back at 2. So we shopped, went back to the pharmacy, and dropped off the prescriptions. Walked around the store some more, went back to the pharmacy. Still not done. Made the kids go away and torment each other somewhere else. Talked to DisGrace, asked her to send hubby to my house at 3.
He got there before me.
So did my hubby.
I'm ready for bed now, but sadly I have to work.
BUT I'm counting the jaunts around the parking lots and both stores as my walk today.
And upon returning home, I promptly drank two bottles of water. i'm sure I'll have to pee soon, but at least I'm hydrating again.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
I walked!
Okay, so I did the "uber cheesy" 1-mile walk video. But I did it. I actually have walked a couple times outside this week in the heat and mugginess of the valley. No wonder I'm getting a migraine ...
Anyway. I haven't really exercised for like a month. Stress gets to me and I eat and quit exercising. Which is stupid, since the best way to combat stress is the opposite: Eat healthier and move your body.
At least I did it today. And hopefully I can remember the above lesson during the upcoming weeks: I have an eye doc appt this afternoon for my Lasik preop, the Lasik is the next week, and then we're going camping, and then the next week my little bother and his wife and baby are coming for a visit from Japan ... and the week after that, my oldest bother and his wife and kids plus my parents are all coming, and Munchkin and one of my nephews are getting baptized. Then, two days later, Small Fry goes home. At some point between the camping trip and her flight, we have to go school clothes shopping for both girls. And her mother better call me back so we can get her ON the flight. Gah. School is back in on August 7 for Small Fry and August 21st for Munchkin.
So, there's the rest of the month and into August laid out for you.
Okay, so I did the "uber cheesy" 1-mile walk video. But I did it. I actually have walked a couple times outside this week in the heat and mugginess of the valley. No wonder I'm getting a migraine ...
Anyway. I haven't really exercised for like a month. Stress gets to me and I eat and quit exercising. Which is stupid, since the best way to combat stress is the opposite: Eat healthier and move your body.
At least I did it today. And hopefully I can remember the above lesson during the upcoming weeks: I have an eye doc appt this afternoon for my Lasik preop, the Lasik is the next week, and then we're going camping, and then the next week my little bother and his wife and baby are coming for a visit from Japan ... and the week after that, my oldest bother and his wife and kids plus my parents are all coming, and Munchkin and one of my nephews are getting baptized. Then, two days later, Small Fry goes home. At some point between the camping trip and her flight, we have to go school clothes shopping for both girls. And her mother better call me back so we can get her ON the flight. Gah. School is back in on August 7 for Small Fry and August 21st for Munchkin.
So, there's the rest of the month and into August laid out for you.
Monday, July 02, 2007
STRESS. That's what I'm feeling. STRESS.
KIDS. Small Fry and I are both still sick. But hey, I'm back down to 240 today after the traveling and the eating not so good. Need to start exercising but that's hard to do when I feel like this. I know sex burns calories, but I don't usually like to count that as "exercise," not even when I'm sick. Too bad for hubby, he's been kissing me so much since I got home from Cali (he missed me ... and vice versa), he's going to get the bug eventually.
Munchkin and I have a pretty open and honest relationship. And I'm grateful for it. But lately, she's been asking me some uncomfortable questions. Lately, We've had discussions about underarm odor (she is now wearing deodorant to combat this -- she's 7 for Pete's sake), periods, hair growing in funny spots (armpits and down below), and ... her clitoris. Oy. Mostly she just wanted to know what it was called, not what it was FOR.
So yesterday, in my semi-delirious state of being sick, she asked me what the mark on my neck was from.
"Daddy bit me." WHAT??? Why did I SAY that???
She was horrified. "Why did daddy bite you?"
"Y'know how we like to kiss?" WHY did I say THAT????
"EWWWW".
End of discussion.
Some day, probably in the near future, she is going to ask me about sex in a not-so-roundabout way. Her body is changing and she's probably going to start developing and get her period in a couple years. Small Fry *just* started wearing bras. It'll be interesting, to say the least, to see what happens from here on out with both girls and their puberty and all that ... at least right now, the conversations are open and honest and not that embarrassing, just a tad uncomfortable at times. *sigh*
And hubby still wants four more kids. Probably because he's not the one dealing with these discussions.
Sadly, being pregnant that many times will probably not help my goal of getting in shape, but will help my goal of having a semi-large family. Yay!
KIDS. Small Fry and I are both still sick. But hey, I'm back down to 240 today after the traveling and the eating not so good. Need to start exercising but that's hard to do when I feel like this. I know sex burns calories, but I don't usually like to count that as "exercise," not even when I'm sick. Too bad for hubby, he's been kissing me so much since I got home from Cali (he missed me ... and vice versa), he's going to get the bug eventually.
Munchkin and I have a pretty open and honest relationship. And I'm grateful for it. But lately, she's been asking me some uncomfortable questions. Lately, We've had discussions about underarm odor (she is now wearing deodorant to combat this -- she's 7 for Pete's sake), periods, hair growing in funny spots (armpits and down below), and ... her clitoris. Oy. Mostly she just wanted to know what it was called, not what it was FOR.
So yesterday, in my semi-delirious state of being sick, she asked me what the mark on my neck was from.
"Daddy bit me." WHAT??? Why did I SAY that???
She was horrified. "Why did daddy bite you?"
"Y'know how we like to kiss?" WHY did I say THAT????
"EWWWW".
End of discussion.
Some day, probably in the near future, she is going to ask me about sex in a not-so-roundabout way. Her body is changing and she's probably going to start developing and get her period in a couple years. Small Fry *just* started wearing bras. It'll be interesting, to say the least, to see what happens from here on out with both girls and their puberty and all that ... at least right now, the conversations are open and honest and not that embarrassing, just a tad uncomfortable at times. *sigh*
And hubby still wants four more kids. Probably because he's not the one dealing with these discussions.
Sadly, being pregnant that many times will probably not help my goal of getting in shape, but will help my goal of having a semi-large family. Yay!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I ate cookies today.
and they weren't wheat free.
I'm a stress eater. Dear step daughter is stressful to me. Having her home all day with me while I'm trying to work is stressful. My daughter is used to it, but SD is not. So. I ate chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.
It could've been worse.
I could've eaten two dozen instead of two.
OR I could've had a Pepsi. But I'm still Pepsi free. Yay me!
and they weren't wheat free.
I'm a stress eater. Dear step daughter is stressful to me. Having her home all day with me while I'm trying to work is stressful. My daughter is used to it, but SD is not. So. I ate chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.
It could've been worse.
I could've eaten two dozen instead of two.
OR I could've had a Pepsi. But I'm still Pepsi free. Yay me!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Traveling. Ugh.
It's always an adventure to travel somewhere you aren't familiar, rent a car, and drive around all over the place. what makes it even more of an adventure is doing so with your husband's ex, your husband's kid, and your husband's ex's other kid.
And my weight went back up to 242.5, but hey, I'm not complaining. I'm due for my period next week AND I ate airport food/takeout for two solid days while I was traveling. Not too shabby.
It's always an adventure to travel somewhere you aren't familiar, rent a car, and drive around all over the place. what makes it even more of an adventure is doing so with your husband's ex, your husband's kid, and your husband's ex's other kid.
And my weight went back up to 242.5, but hey, I'm not complaining. I'm due for my period next week AND I ate airport food/takeout for two solid days while I was traveling. Not too shabby.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Just an update: I checked my scales since they seemed a bit funky this morning. Hubby had slid them around a lot yesterday while he was shaving his head, and one of the protective "feet" was missing. Found it, put it back on, it balanced correctly.
ROCK ON. 240. That makes 13 pounds REMOVED in 2 weeks. YAY ME!!!
ROCK ON. 240. That makes 13 pounds REMOVED in 2 weeks. YAY ME!!!
Guess using the smaller plates and eating better is working. Removed another 3 pounds, checked twice since I didn't believe it.
Talked with the midwife yesterday -- she recommended I go back on the South Beach Diet. I can to an extent -- they recommend a lot of artificial sweeteners, which I can't use as they give me migraines. But cutting out most sugar would probably be a good start. The worst part was probably getting rid of the Pepsi -- two weeks and holding strong.
Talked with the midwife yesterday -- she recommended I go back on the South Beach Diet. I can to an extent -- they recommend a lot of artificial sweeteners, which I can't use as they give me migraines. But cutting out most sugar would probably be a good start. The worst part was probably getting rid of the Pepsi -- two weeks and holding strong.
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Weekend:
Friday, I went to IKEA with CC. Counting that as my walk since we were there for-freaking-ever. Ate too much junk though, and my stomach apparently hates IKEA food. Blech. But we like the organization ideas and I think I'm going back this afternoon to pick up a couple of things so she can come help me tear up the house Friday ... er, move the furniture and try to make the space more liveable since we may be here a few more years.
Saturday, I took kidlet to Macey's grocery store, Wally's, and Costco -- we have food now! yay! Counted that as my walk since I really didn't have time to do more than that. I did *try* to eat better, but not sure what happened since I slept half of the afternoon away. I did eat a lean cuisine something for dinner though. Thank heaven for hubby's discount -- he brought home a bunch of individual pizzas and a few dinners and only spent $11. Love it.
Sunday, I was fasting for breakfast, then had a turkey sammy on ww for lunch (blood sugar issues -- I usually only fast for one meal). I also made cookies and sent some away with the home teachers. Made stir fry last night with some ramen -- had planned to make brown rice, but somehow when I said I was taking a short nap, it turned into 3 hours and then didn't have an hour to make the brown rice. Gah.
Anyway. I'm down to 245.5 this morning, which makes me happy ... well ... as happy as I can be at that weight. ;) No soda has helped, and I think using kid-sized plates from IKEA and only eating one serving has helped, too. Yay.
Friday, I went to IKEA with CC. Counting that as my walk since we were there for-freaking-ever. Ate too much junk though, and my stomach apparently hates IKEA food. Blech. But we like the organization ideas and I think I'm going back this afternoon to pick up a couple of things so she can come help me tear up the house Friday ... er, move the furniture and try to make the space more liveable since we may be here a few more years.
Saturday, I took kidlet to Macey's grocery store, Wally's, and Costco -- we have food now! yay! Counted that as my walk since I really didn't have time to do more than that. I did *try* to eat better, but not sure what happened since I slept half of the afternoon away. I did eat a lean cuisine something for dinner though. Thank heaven for hubby's discount -- he brought home a bunch of individual pizzas and a few dinners and only spent $11. Love it.
Sunday, I was fasting for breakfast, then had a turkey sammy on ww for lunch (blood sugar issues -- I usually only fast for one meal). I also made cookies and sent some away with the home teachers. Made stir fry last night with some ramen -- had planned to make brown rice, but somehow when I said I was taking a short nap, it turned into 3 hours and then didn't have an hour to make the brown rice. Gah.
Anyway. I'm down to 245.5 this morning, which makes me happy ... well ... as happy as I can be at that weight. ;) No soda has helped, and I think using kid-sized plates from IKEA and only eating one serving has helped, too. Yay.
Friday, June 08, 2007
George Clooney is a vampire.
At least, he was one in my dreams.
Why on earth I can't have normal dreams, I don't know, but I thought that was pretty funny when I woke up this morning. First I drug up Senator Clinton and send her on a roller coaster (I dreamt that months ago) and now Clooney being a blood sucker. *snicker*
Okay.
Yesterday we walked. Breakfast was GoLean crunch, smoothie for a snack, lunch was a sonic salad (yes, with onion ring ... and a slush. gah), dinner was a lovely ground chicken chili with black beans and corn bread made with whole wheat flour.
I'm going to Ikea with CC today, so I'm assuming we'll be walking a bit. Huge store. Huge parking lot. I'm going to use that as my walk today.
Starting to get a headache from caffeine withdrawals today. Eeep.
At least, he was one in my dreams.
Why on earth I can't have normal dreams, I don't know, but I thought that was pretty funny when I woke up this morning. First I drug up Senator Clinton and send her on a roller coaster (I dreamt that months ago) and now Clooney being a blood sucker. *snicker*
Okay.
Yesterday we walked. Breakfast was GoLean crunch, smoothie for a snack, lunch was a sonic salad (yes, with onion ring ... and a slush. gah), dinner was a lovely ground chicken chili with black beans and corn bread made with whole wheat flour.
I'm going to Ikea with CC today, so I'm assuming we'll be walking a bit. Huge store. Huge parking lot. I'm going to use that as my walk today.
Starting to get a headache from caffeine withdrawals today. Eeep.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Did somewhat okay yesterday. Not as well as I'd planned or hoped, but better than the days where I eat donuts and pie. *rolls eyes*
*golean crunch w/milk
*cheese stick
*random leftovers lunch stuff -- some rice thing and some potato thing (wasn't enough of either for me)
*pretzels
*bbq chinese pork and noodles (the last of what i'd made and frozen for hubby, needed to get rid of it before the competition)
*ginger ale (tummy HURT and i was really queasy all night)
We did walk in the a.m., but I didn't get any pilates done due to tummy troubles.
Today's plan is again to walk -- tummy still isn't happy, so pilates is on the shelf again. the cereal for breakfast, something simple for lunch, probably something frozen for dinner (get the stouffer's red box stuff out of there).
hubby weighed in for his competition last night, but he's going to go one more place and get another measurement just to see if last night's was accurate. wooo.
*golean crunch w/milk
*cheese stick
*random leftovers lunch stuff -- some rice thing and some potato thing (wasn't enough of either for me)
*pretzels
*bbq chinese pork and noodles (the last of what i'd made and frozen for hubby, needed to get rid of it before the competition)
*ginger ale (tummy HURT and i was really queasy all night)
We did walk in the a.m., but I didn't get any pilates done due to tummy troubles.
Today's plan is again to walk -- tummy still isn't happy, so pilates is on the shelf again. the cereal for breakfast, something simple for lunch, probably something frozen for dinner (get the stouffer's red box stuff out of there).
hubby weighed in for his competition last night, but he's going to go one more place and get another measurement just to see if last night's was accurate. wooo.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Today marks day 8 with no Pepsi. I did have a root beer float the other day (I know, not exactly diet fare), and forgot (duh) that root beer is SODA, so I did have carbonation, but I am avoiding it pretty much altogether.
And now that my period bloat has gone down some, I can tell a difference and I do feel better. Yay me.
I went for a walk yesterday and did some Pilates the night before.
Today's plan is to eat golean crunch for breakfast, protein and fruit smoothie for lunch, something light for dinner, and do a walk AND pilates at some point this morning.
And now that my period bloat has gone down some, I can tell a difference and I do feel better. Yay me.
I went for a walk yesterday and did some Pilates the night before.
Today's plan is to eat golean crunch for breakfast, protein and fruit smoothie for lunch, something light for dinner, and do a walk AND pilates at some point this morning.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Husbands.
Mine is entering another competition this week. That means he's been busily intentionally putting on weight (i.e., eating crappy) to improve his chances at winning. This means my own loss goals have somewhat been thwarted. In fact, to the point I gained back all 6 pounds that I'd lost last month.
*sigh*
The good news is that he is starting this week, so we are working our way back to healthier eating. Thank heaven.
The gal who wrote BFL for women says we need to change our vocabulary and not talk about "losing" weight because when you lose something, you want to find it. Rather, she says to "remove" the extra, unhealthy pounds. Dr. Zonnya (motivational speaker) says to "release" it. I like "remove" better because it indicates that you are actively engaged in doing something to get rid of something you don't want, much like I remove spots from clothes or remove myself from unhealthy situations. "Release" to me is a more passive word.
The other thing I've noticed in life is that if you remove something, you have to replace it with something else (except stains on clothes, but you do use tools to do that). But if you're removing a bad habit from your life, you have to replace it with something good, or you create a vacuum and your bad habit will sneak up on you again.
So, I start anew. I choose to remove 50 pounds of fat in the next 12 months and replace the old habits that got me here with living a healthier lifestyle, including walking and moving my body every day and eating healthy foods, and still giving myself permission to eat some chocolate once a month (ha, pms), in order to create my new body. I commit to myself to remove in total, over the next few years, 80 pounds of excess weight, bringing me to a healthier baseline weight of 170 pounds, and I commit to myself to continue healthy living for the rest of my life. I choose to take care of me in this manner, putting my health in the top 3 of my priorities: God first, family second (which includes me and my health, as well as hubby and kidlets), and my career third.
Mine is entering another competition this week. That means he's been busily intentionally putting on weight (i.e., eating crappy) to improve his chances at winning. This means my own loss goals have somewhat been thwarted. In fact, to the point I gained back all 6 pounds that I'd lost last month.
*sigh*
The good news is that he is starting this week, so we are working our way back to healthier eating. Thank heaven.
The gal who wrote BFL for women says we need to change our vocabulary and not talk about "losing" weight because when you lose something, you want to find it. Rather, she says to "remove" the extra, unhealthy pounds. Dr. Zonnya (motivational speaker) says to "release" it. I like "remove" better because it indicates that you are actively engaged in doing something to get rid of something you don't want, much like I remove spots from clothes or remove myself from unhealthy situations. "Release" to me is a more passive word.
The other thing I've noticed in life is that if you remove something, you have to replace it with something else (except stains on clothes, but you do use tools to do that). But if you're removing a bad habit from your life, you have to replace it with something good, or you create a vacuum and your bad habit will sneak up on you again.
So, I start anew. I choose to remove 50 pounds of fat in the next 12 months and replace the old habits that got me here with living a healthier lifestyle, including walking and moving my body every day and eating healthy foods, and still giving myself permission to eat some chocolate once a month (ha, pms), in order to create my new body. I commit to myself to remove in total, over the next few years, 80 pounds of excess weight, bringing me to a healthier baseline weight of 170 pounds, and I commit to myself to continue healthy living for the rest of my life. I choose to take care of me in this manner, putting my health in the top 3 of my priorities: God first, family second (which includes me and my health, as well as hubby and kidlets), and my career third.
Monday, May 21, 2007
THE WEEKEND
Went away with hubby over the weekend. I did NOT eat that great, but did get some walking in.
FRIDAY:
Had a burrito for breakfast, didn't finish the tortilla but did take the meat out of the bottom part and ate it. I had some "samples" at Costco (which was my walk for Friday) with DisGrace, and then we went to lunch at Arctic Circle, where I had a grilled chix salad and one waffle fry. I don't think I ate again until the sushi restaurant that night, where hubby and I went before we went to Park City for our weekend away. I have never enjoyed sushi, but I *heart* the Happy Sumo's sushi. I had a surf and turf roll, we had the sampler appetizer, and hubby had something spicy which I didn't touch (heartburn, doncha know).
The rest of the weekend ... well ... I didn't eat that great, snacked a lot, but mostly just hung out in the hotel with hubby. We did go for a walk Saturday afternoon up the hill outside of the hotel and back down again, and I bounced around in front of the TV first thing in the morning for about 7 or 8 minutes to one of my CDs, AND we hit the hotel's gym and I checked out the elliptical for a few minutes and the recumbent bike, too. Sunday, we stopped at a state park and walked down the sidewalk a ways, just enjoying the view of the lake and each other.
We burned a few calories in other ways, too. *ahem*
Last night, we had a "tiff," and I wanted to go for a walk, but there were too many people out in the neighborhood and I didn't wanna talk to anyone so I went for a drive instead.
This morning, I got up for work and got very tired (sleeping pills ... gah) so I went back to bed. Hubby made me an egg-white breakfast burrito and brought it to me in bed with a huge glass of orange juice. I woke up pretty well, and then he and I took kiddo to the bus stop and went for a walk -- at his suggestion, for which I'm grateful. He knows how important this is to me and he's doing his best to be helpful and not hurtful in any way. Even if we had a tiff last night. hehehe.
My plan for lunch is a broccoli salad or something we have kicking around in the fridge OR a lean cuisine meal. just something simple. dunno what to do for dinner yet.
Went away with hubby over the weekend. I did NOT eat that great, but did get some walking in.
FRIDAY:
Had a burrito for breakfast, didn't finish the tortilla but did take the meat out of the bottom part and ate it. I had some "samples" at Costco (which was my walk for Friday) with DisGrace, and then we went to lunch at Arctic Circle, where I had a grilled chix salad and one waffle fry. I don't think I ate again until the sushi restaurant that night, where hubby and I went before we went to Park City for our weekend away. I have never enjoyed sushi, but I *heart* the Happy Sumo's sushi. I had a surf and turf roll, we had the sampler appetizer, and hubby had something spicy which I didn't touch (heartburn, doncha know).
The rest of the weekend ... well ... I didn't eat that great, snacked a lot, but mostly just hung out in the hotel with hubby. We did go for a walk Saturday afternoon up the hill outside of the hotel and back down again, and I bounced around in front of the TV first thing in the morning for about 7 or 8 minutes to one of my CDs, AND we hit the hotel's gym and I checked out the elliptical for a few minutes and the recumbent bike, too. Sunday, we stopped at a state park and walked down the sidewalk a ways, just enjoying the view of the lake and each other.
We burned a few calories in other ways, too. *ahem*
Last night, we had a "tiff," and I wanted to go for a walk, but there were too many people out in the neighborhood and I didn't wanna talk to anyone so I went for a drive instead.
This morning, I got up for work and got very tired (sleeping pills ... gah) so I went back to bed. Hubby made me an egg-white breakfast burrito and brought it to me in bed with a huge glass of orange juice. I woke up pretty well, and then he and I took kiddo to the bus stop and went for a walk -- at his suggestion, for which I'm grateful. He knows how important this is to me and he's doing his best to be helpful and not hurtful in any way. Even if we had a tiff last night. hehehe.
My plan for lunch is a broccoli salad or something we have kicking around in the fridge OR a lean cuisine meal. just something simple. dunno what to do for dinner yet.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
SMALL VICTORIES (some of this post is copied from losing it, but some is not)
Even if it was semi stoopid.
I was having a bad night last night. Instead of doing any of many negative things I've struggled with in the past when I'm stressed and emotional, including the binging-purging thing I did in high school or just binging, I put on my walking shoes and left the house.
The bad thing is, it was midnight and I ended up on a creepy stretch of road.
Thank heaven for CC and the Boy. Called her up as I was leaving the house and she came and got me so I didn't have to walk back down the creepy road.
BUT I did something GOOD and walked (I think) two miles instead of doing something BAD for me. Yay.
Later in the afternoon, I had another small victory. Thought about having a Klondike bar for lunch, but I had a Lean Cuisine meal instead. I even had the Klondike sitting on my desk! but I put it back in the freezer. yay.
And tonight, my walking partner wasn't sure she could go, so I grabbed kidlet and hit the pavement anyway. We only went around the neighborhood once (it's about 3/4 mile) because I was still tired from my midnight adventures, but I WENT. I followed through on the commitment I made to myself.
In the last 11 days, I've missed 3 days of walking (Thursday, Saturday, and Monday). But that means I've walked 8 days. Looking at my sticker chart, there is no other time this year that I've done that.
Hubby and I are going away this weekend (Friday night through Sunday morning), and I fully intend to use the treadmill Saturday, walking before we leave Friday and I'm going to take Sunday off (which is recommended by several leading exercise gurus -- giving yourself one day of rest every week, and indulge in a treat then, too). Food will probably be out the window until Monday, though. Owell. I do need to work on the Pepsi thing. It's bad for me.
FOOD yesterday:
Breakfast: 1 mini bagel, 1 egg, 1 slice ham, 1 Tbs cheese
Lunch: Grilled pork chop w/ 1 Tbs sbr's bbq sauce, 1 c ww pasta with sundried tomato pesto, and a huge salad
Dinner: Lean cuisine french bread pizza
Snacks: ugh. i think two klondikes and two cans of pepsi. not sure how many, didn't write it down
FOOD today:
Breakfast: 4 egg whites, 2 slices lf ham, 2 Tbs grated cheese, 1 Tbs salsa, all wrapped up in a burrito (white flour wrap; working on that)
Snack: 1-1/2 cups lf microwave popcorn
Lunch: Lean cuisine teriyaki chicken
Dinner: 8 oz cherry yogurt and two bites of lasagne (yes, really)
SODA: Two cans of Pepsi
(much happier with this day)
Even if it was semi stoopid.
I was having a bad night last night. Instead of doing any of many negative things I've struggled with in the past when I'm stressed and emotional, including the binging-purging thing I did in high school or just binging, I put on my walking shoes and left the house.
The bad thing is, it was midnight and I ended up on a creepy stretch of road.
Thank heaven for CC and the Boy. Called her up as I was leaving the house and she came and got me so I didn't have to walk back down the creepy road.
BUT I did something GOOD and walked (I think) two miles instead of doing something BAD for me. Yay.
Later in the afternoon, I had another small victory. Thought about having a Klondike bar for lunch, but I had a Lean Cuisine meal instead. I even had the Klondike sitting on my desk! but I put it back in the freezer. yay.
And tonight, my walking partner wasn't sure she could go, so I grabbed kidlet and hit the pavement anyway. We only went around the neighborhood once (it's about 3/4 mile) because I was still tired from my midnight adventures, but I WENT. I followed through on the commitment I made to myself.
In the last 11 days, I've missed 3 days of walking (Thursday, Saturday, and Monday). But that means I've walked 8 days. Looking at my sticker chart, there is no other time this year that I've done that.
Hubby and I are going away this weekend (Friday night through Sunday morning), and I fully intend to use the treadmill Saturday, walking before we leave Friday and I'm going to take Sunday off (which is recommended by several leading exercise gurus -- giving yourself one day of rest every week, and indulge in a treat then, too). Food will probably be out the window until Monday, though. Owell. I do need to work on the Pepsi thing. It's bad for me.
FOOD yesterday:
Breakfast: 1 mini bagel, 1 egg, 1 slice ham, 1 Tbs cheese
Lunch: Grilled pork chop w/ 1 Tbs sbr's bbq sauce, 1 c ww pasta with sundried tomato pesto, and a huge salad
Dinner: Lean cuisine french bread pizza
Snacks: ugh. i think two klondikes and two cans of pepsi. not sure how many, didn't write it down
FOOD today:
Breakfast: 4 egg whites, 2 slices lf ham, 2 Tbs grated cheese, 1 Tbs salsa, all wrapped up in a burrito (white flour wrap; working on that)
Snack: 1-1/2 cups lf microwave popcorn
Lunch: Lean cuisine teriyaki chicken
Dinner: 8 oz cherry yogurt and two bites of lasagne (yes, really)
SODA: Two cans of Pepsi
(much happier with this day)
Friday, November 10, 2006
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
TGIF. Seriously. WHY? Well, found out this week my company is destroying our healthcare bennies (seriously, it's a nasty situation), I've had the flu but am somewhat better today, but my supervisor hasn't ever approved my time off for Mon. and Tues. when I was really bad off, so I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop from Corporate. Pay cuts? No more paid time off? No more rentention bonus? No Flex-spend account (which we really need for next year to get hubby's dental work done)? Gah. They're lame and if they do cut my pay, I'll be looking elsewhere ... even though when I've looked in the past, no one could touch what I make there. *sigh*
The medical field is going to hell in a handbasket PDQ, and much of that is the pork bellies on Capitol Hill. Sadly, I've considered myself a Republican much of my life, but am now going to register as a Democrat -- a Blue Dog Democrat to be more specific. They support the average American, NOT big business, are pro-life, pro-NRA, anti gay marriage (why can't we do like Mexico City and just call them gay unions -- they get the bennies of married heteros ...) ... I'm thinking of getting more involved in politics. WHY? HIPAA was passed to protect our private medical information from being shared with anyone without our permission. Most people in this country don't know that someone like me exists -- I type medical records all day. I have to comply with HIPAA -- I don't share personal information on anyone, give no specifics when requesting help understanding a doctor, and do my best to provide the most accurate record I possibly can.
Sadly, I've always worked for a company who outsources medical records off shore -- our friends in India get to type them so we don't have to stay up all night. This has always bothered me, and one of the main reasons is that HIPAA can't be enforced in other countries. So, our friends in India (and before anyone gets ornery with me, I have nothing against people from other countries) type your medical records and are not legally obligated to keep that information private. That includes your Social Security Number, if your hospital or clinic happens to identify you by that number. Anyone else concerned about this? Our company insists they do keep it private, but who the heck really knows? Our private medical information is over there, floating around. Not only does this bother me, but it bothers me that my credit card company and my cable company has moved their customer service to India as well, meaning my financial information, including SSN and mother's maiden name, are in another country. Why should my information be anywhere but on Ameircan soil, with other Americans protecting it?
The company I originally started working for almost 4 years ago has been swallowed up by another company, and our bennies are getting cut. The smaller company always did outsource off shore, and it didn't bother me quite as much then ... partly because they did it and still made sure we had good bennies and that we were happy, but the big company insists they can't do that. So. My open-heart surgery this year cost me $4500, hitting my out of pocket max for the first time in my LIFE. Had it happened NEXT year, it would have cost over $10K before I hit my OOP max. And for the privilege of owing more than double the debt, my premium would have remained exactly. the. same. Around 85% to 90% of medical transcriptionists are women. Our corporate employees (most of whom are men), however, get to keep our old insurance. Can anyone say discrimination?
Thank heaven for Nestle and their insurance through hubby. Hopefully they don't decide to become idiots like my employers.
Speaking of hubby, I'm completely and totally jealous of my sweet husband, who has dropped like 40 pounds of FAT in about 6 weeks -- going from a tight 40 waist pair of jeans (which i can now wear, blargh), to a size 34 waist (which he looks *tight* in). Go Moe! He's working very hard to win this competition, and I sure hope he does. :)
TGIF. Seriously. WHY? Well, found out this week my company is destroying our healthcare bennies (seriously, it's a nasty situation), I've had the flu but am somewhat better today, but my supervisor hasn't ever approved my time off for Mon. and Tues. when I was really bad off, so I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop from Corporate. Pay cuts? No more paid time off? No more rentention bonus? No Flex-spend account (which we really need for next year to get hubby's dental work done)? Gah. They're lame and if they do cut my pay, I'll be looking elsewhere ... even though when I've looked in the past, no one could touch what I make there. *sigh*
The medical field is going to hell in a handbasket PDQ, and much of that is the pork bellies on Capitol Hill. Sadly, I've considered myself a Republican much of my life, but am now going to register as a Democrat -- a Blue Dog Democrat to be more specific. They support the average American, NOT big business, are pro-life, pro-NRA, anti gay marriage (why can't we do like Mexico City and just call them gay unions -- they get the bennies of married heteros ...) ... I'm thinking of getting more involved in politics. WHY? HIPAA was passed to protect our private medical information from being shared with anyone without our permission. Most people in this country don't know that someone like me exists -- I type medical records all day. I have to comply with HIPAA -- I don't share personal information on anyone, give no specifics when requesting help understanding a doctor, and do my best to provide the most accurate record I possibly can.
Sadly, I've always worked for a company who outsources medical records off shore -- our friends in India get to type them so we don't have to stay up all night. This has always bothered me, and one of the main reasons is that HIPAA can't be enforced in other countries. So, our friends in India (and before anyone gets ornery with me, I have nothing against people from other countries) type your medical records and are not legally obligated to keep that information private. That includes your Social Security Number, if your hospital or clinic happens to identify you by that number. Anyone else concerned about this? Our company insists they do keep it private, but who the heck really knows? Our private medical information is over there, floating around. Not only does this bother me, but it bothers me that my credit card company and my cable company has moved their customer service to India as well, meaning my financial information, including SSN and mother's maiden name, are in another country. Why should my information be anywhere but on Ameircan soil, with other Americans protecting it?
The company I originally started working for almost 4 years ago has been swallowed up by another company, and our bennies are getting cut. The smaller company always did outsource off shore, and it didn't bother me quite as much then ... partly because they did it and still made sure we had good bennies and that we were happy, but the big company insists they can't do that. So. My open-heart surgery this year cost me $4500, hitting my out of pocket max for the first time in my LIFE. Had it happened NEXT year, it would have cost over $10K before I hit my OOP max. And for the privilege of owing more than double the debt, my premium would have remained exactly. the. same. Around 85% to 90% of medical transcriptionists are women. Our corporate employees (most of whom are men), however, get to keep our old insurance. Can anyone say discrimination?
Thank heaven for Nestle and their insurance through hubby. Hopefully they don't decide to become idiots like my employers.
Speaking of hubby, I'm completely and totally jealous of my sweet husband, who has dropped like 40 pounds of FAT in about 6 weeks -- going from a tight 40 waist pair of jeans (which i can now wear, blargh), to a size 34 waist (which he looks *tight* in). Go Moe! He's working very hard to win this competition, and I sure hope he does. :)
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Today, I have the flu. I have the flu and other bugs a lot these days. The body still isn't happy after open-heart surgery, still feel like an alien force has invaded and cursed me. But life is good anyway. Even when I'm emotional, moody, and sick, my sweet man is still loving and patient with me. Even when I don't deserve it. :) awwww. We're disgustingly happy.
So, I started a blog because I checked up on kipluck and colorchrome and read their blogs one morning instead of working (hey! I logged out of the timeclock first!), and realized I probably need one of my own, where I can be as narcissistic as I like and talk only about me. So I started one. And realized I'm not all that interesting. ha.
I'm 30 years old, happily married, mother of one, step-mother of another one, and content with life as we know it. My surgery earlier this year was to repair something wrong with my left ventricle which I've apparently had my whole life but never knew about until shortly before my 30th birthday. It's all better now, I mostly am back to normal with energy and stamina, but I still do get sick frequently (see above).
I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as the Mormons. Yep, I go to church every Sunday and believe in the Gospel whole-heartedly. If I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. I believe the Priesthood was restored through Joseph Smith, and through that Priesthood, I was blessed during my surgery and recovery to be as healthy as I am today, just 4 months later. I believe in the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, including the Bible, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for each of us. Sometimes we get impatient with Him, but if we can convince ourselves to wait for His timing, things turn out often much better than if we'd taken our own shortcuts. Trust me. I'm living proof of this.
Ten years ago, I was engaged to a drunk, and I eventually married him and became a battered wife. I was very rebellious and didn't want to wait on the Lord's timing, and because of that, I placed myself in a very dangerous position with a very stupid man and nearly died. I had a child by him and left when she was just a tiny infant. Then I stayed single and bitter until one day when my brother-in-law decided to hook me up with his friend, the soft-spoken hottie Tongan I'm completely in love with and am now married to. Our wedding was 8 weeks after my surgery. He's been there through all of this with me, and I've never been happier. Following the Lord's plan has given me much more satisfaction and joy than being a rebellious, prideful person. I'm still prideful at times, but try not to be rebellious anymore. That being said, my husband knew we'd get married from our first date. It took me a lot longer to see it.
This is pretty random, but maybe that's because I am. I'll blog more later, but had to get some thoughts down today before I lose my mind. See, I'm a writer and a musician. Without a computer or a piano the last few years, I've become entirely too career focused. If I can write, even if it's just random stuff, or if I can play a piano every day, I'm fine. But now we have a home computer that isn't slower than molasses going uphill in January, so I can write a bit. A piano isn't a possibility. Yet.
ahhh. I feel better now. A bit.
So, I started a blog because I checked up on kipluck and colorchrome and read their blogs one morning instead of working (hey! I logged out of the timeclock first!), and realized I probably need one of my own, where I can be as narcissistic as I like and talk only about me. So I started one. And realized I'm not all that interesting. ha.
I'm 30 years old, happily married, mother of one, step-mother of another one, and content with life as we know it. My surgery earlier this year was to repair something wrong with my left ventricle which I've apparently had my whole life but never knew about until shortly before my 30th birthday. It's all better now, I mostly am back to normal with energy and stamina, but I still do get sick frequently (see above).
I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as the Mormons. Yep, I go to church every Sunday and believe in the Gospel whole-heartedly. If I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. I believe the Priesthood was restored through Joseph Smith, and through that Priesthood, I was blessed during my surgery and recovery to be as healthy as I am today, just 4 months later. I believe in the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, including the Bible, and I believe that the Lord has a plan for each of us. Sometimes we get impatient with Him, but if we can convince ourselves to wait for His timing, things turn out often much better than if we'd taken our own shortcuts. Trust me. I'm living proof of this.
Ten years ago, I was engaged to a drunk, and I eventually married him and became a battered wife. I was very rebellious and didn't want to wait on the Lord's timing, and because of that, I placed myself in a very dangerous position with a very stupid man and nearly died. I had a child by him and left when she was just a tiny infant. Then I stayed single and bitter until one day when my brother-in-law decided to hook me up with his friend, the soft-spoken hottie Tongan I'm completely in love with and am now married to. Our wedding was 8 weeks after my surgery. He's been there through all of this with me, and I've never been happier. Following the Lord's plan has given me much more satisfaction and joy than being a rebellious, prideful person. I'm still prideful at times, but try not to be rebellious anymore. That being said, my husband knew we'd get married from our first date. It took me a lot longer to see it.
This is pretty random, but maybe that's because I am. I'll blog more later, but had to get some thoughts down today before I lose my mind. See, I'm a writer and a musician. Without a computer or a piano the last few years, I've become entirely too career focused. If I can write, even if it's just random stuff, or if I can play a piano every day, I'm fine. But now we have a home computer that isn't slower than molasses going uphill in January, so I can write a bit. A piano isn't a possibility. Yet.
ahhh. I feel better now. A bit.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
So, this is my new blog. Just had to make one after catching up on Colorchrome's and Kip's this morning instead of working. Yep. I'll post more later, but wanted to check it out now, see how it flies.
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