CD 24 of my 30-day cycle ...

Yeah, this is totally becoming my TTC blog. hahahaha!

My new theory is that TTC makes smart people stoopid and irrational. I want a baby, therefore I am pregnant, even when you don't know you are. I'm not nearly as nauseated as I've been some months, but my boobs hurt and I'm flipping exhausted -- I think I slept 10 hours each Friday night and Saturday night and Sunday night ... And would have happily done so last night if not for work. That's not normal for me these days. So today, I picked up some progesterone cream -- put some on my inner thigh. Hopefully it doesn't trigger a flare of body acne, but what the heck, I'm already having one. The last time I had acne like this on my body and face, I had the IUD. In my whole life, I didn't start having acne issues until I was pregnant with Munchkin, so having the acne already before the progesterone cream made me think maybe I'm pregnant, and then thought maybe I should get some cream and try and help the bean stick.

Anyway. If AF shows up next week, I'll start the cream much earlier next cycle -- after ovulation. I started temping around ovulation time this month to get in the habit of doing it, and then someone told me vaginal temps were more accurate -- which I can totally believe because the nights I'm cold my oral temp drops a lot, and the nights I'm warm, it shoots up, so it's not giving me a good idea of anything at all ... so today (a week into temping) I changed to vaginal, which of course is higher, but at least I'm getting into habits of doing this stuff *just in case* I'm not pregnant this month. So my chart means *nothing* this month, but at least I'm doing it! Makes me feel better at any rate.

Back to work.

Auntie Voodoo, visit 3

Well, my reproductive parts are doing better apparently. The rest of me is still fubared, but whatever.

I have gone walking a couple of times -- out to the bus stop, deliberately parking farther away in the parking lots, etc. I need to keep it up, and I need to be doing yoga and other stuff, but my brain has been sucked out by the 2WW (two week wait) of my cycle before I can test for pregnancy. See, it was sucked out for a few days while we BD'd during my "fertile" time, and now it's sucked out while I wait until the day I can test. I'll actually probably test early since hubby's birthday is next Saturday and I'm not due for a period until after that, but ... i have no brain and no desire to wait. lol. anyway. This is what occupies my mind quite a bit of the time now: Pregnant or not pregnant, that is the question ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I'm driving myself crazy.

I started feeling weird "flutters" in my belly the last couple of weeks. One time, I was lying on my side and felt something rub against the part of my belly that was on bed, like it was trying to push the pressure away from it.

Now, I know I'm not pregnant. Okay? I got that. It just FELT like a baby. Then I thought, "You know Stewie, if you hadn't lost that baby in May, you would be feeling a baby moving right now." And realized it was just that part of my brain that was rebelling against all evidence to the contrary.

Since then, I still feel weird things: Things that feel like feet or hands pushing on a spot on my tummy, then moving away again, or flutters down in my lower pelvis. It's insane. Talk about delusions, right?

Anyway.

Apparently, this is becoming a baby and diet/weight loss blog, since that's all that's on my mind.

Bought a BBT thermometer today to check my temps to track my ovulation in case we don't get knocked up this month.

Haven't done so good in the food area the last couple of days ... tired, cranky, sick of feeling all weird for no good reason. Bah.

Auntie Voodoo again (and no, she doesn't know I call her that!)

Walked over there and back -- about 3/4 mile each way. Foot zone didn't hurt quite as much this time. Tubes are better -- no blockage, normal texture. YAY! Thyroid is still out of whack, but that's okay -- it'll get better. I am off of dairy for a while, hoping it helps. I'm a bit less congested today, so that's always a good thing.

I'm not dropping weight a whole lot yet, but I *am* shrinking out of my fat shorts I bought this summer. That's a good feeling.

Saw the midwife this morning. She's a certified nurse midwife (CNM) who works in an OB/GYN office attached to a hospital. I really like her -- my mom really likes her, hubby likes her but says it's most important I feel comfy with her.

We talked about the past 8 months of TTC (trying to conceive). They don't think I'm truly ovulating every month since the my stripe on the hormone test strips isn't as dark as the control stripe, so I'm probably surging, but not enough to trigger ovulation every month (which could be another reason I don't feel pregnant every month!). She wants me to try Clomid for one cycle and see what happens, and if I'm not pregnant by the time my December period is due, I'm s'posed to go back in for testing. I'm comfy with that plan. I haven't told hubby the plan yet since he's finally sleeping. I'll tell him later.

I didn't tell her what Auntie Voodoo said about my tubes or anything, and I don't intend to tell Auntie about the plan with the Clomid. Auntie Voodoo told me to wait a few more months, but the longer we wait, the more urgent I feel like we're not supposed to be waiting. BUT because I'm too late in my month to start the Clomid this month, she has a few more weeks to do her majick before I take the Clomid.

And as DisGrace put it, maybe it'll get me twins and I can be done being pregnant that much sooner, and I'm comfy with that too -- Boy howdy it'd be hard, but I'm so ready to have a baby ...

I don't intend to really blog much detail about this every month, but wanted to post the plan for now for all who are curious. There ya go.

Even easing into it this week and yesterday's junk fest, I'm down to 239.8 (fully clothed but no shoes), which is still less than I was a couple weeks ago before the period bloat. I feel pretty good, too. I'm planning to hit it a bit harder next week though, and try and start exercising again. Getting through some of the dairy this week so it doesn't go bad, then cutting that out next week, too. which will only help hubby with his goal to quit eating cheese, wince his body hates him when he does it and punishes him, even with lactaid. gah. Changed my tracker down there to reflect what I started at this week.

244.2 this morning, but uh, today was a very hard day and we ate out. Twice. JUNK FOOD. Crapola.

Had a foot zone treatment by my aunt today. She said we need to wait a few months while we work on the foot zones and the antiestrogenic diet (only she said no dairy for a few weeks, too) and exercising more. All of it should help my girlie parts function better before we try and get pregnant again. Apparently, she says that my tubes aren't normal: One has a blockage and the other is sort of mushy and flat. The sperm are getting through the mushy/flattish one, but the fertilized egg isn't moving back through fast enough to implant into the uterus in the limited time it has to do so. Which is why it's not every month I feel pregnant -- only one side is able to get the mommy part and daddy part together (which is sort of how I explained pregnancy to munchkin when I was single when she was a toddler and she kept asking for a baby brother or sister ... told her we needed a daddy for that, 'cuz we need daddy parts). Auntie is surprised we haven't had a tubal.

This last month was a replay of May, so we decided we needed to go ahead and try some stuff to see if I can get a bit healthier so we can bring our babies to this world. We've both seen them in dreams, so we know we're s'posed to have them. Off to the midwife next week for hormone checks. Yay me.

Hoping I keep feeling better with the dieting. Gotta exercise and take supplements, too, but I'm really doing MUCH better than I had been. Until today. But it's one day, not the end of the world.

Antiestrogenic Diet

Okay, this wasn't my idea. It was cc's. But I figured it can't hurt. I'm going to probably buy the book this weekend, but the gist is to go organic, avoid sugar and caffeine (although that is a little tricky since I sometimes need caffeine to get me through my shift), load up on fruits and veggies throughout the day with organic yogurt and eggs for protein, eat beans and whole grains and only fish for meat at night for the first two weeks, then add in other proteins gradually.

I started Monday, but I started my period Sunday, so I'm not sure where my weight is, but Sunday I was 247.6 and today I am 244.6, so whether that's from period bloat going away or the diet or both, that's better than I was. I'm not perfect at this, but I *am* eating better than I was.

Since I'm so darn sensitive to hormones, it occurred to me that the hormones in the food I eat could be negatively affecting my fertility. I'm talking to my homeopathic auntie about the diet tomorrow. She mentioned to me that my hormones may be out of whack, and if I don't have enough progesterone I won't be able to carry a pregnancy. She'll do a foot zone treatment and hopefully trigger some more of this stuff to release. I have an appointment with my midwife for next week to get my hormones checked and stuff, so hopefully something will help me release some of this baggage and get pregnant sometime soon!